2009 and counting...

I'm awake. It's 4:32. The kind of 4:32 you should be sleeping at and I'm awake. In college, I developed this habit of staying up late as I could and I still haven't kicked it. I am a night owl. I'm trying this thing where I try to write a little bit each night before I crash and I manage something every other night. I play stupid flash games. I play a lot of stupid flash games instead of writing. Or studying. Or anything for that matter. I am alone at night. As a tradition and as a practice, I like it. But I also feel secluded. The kind of deep pool in a cave secluded. It's beautiful, but every now and then you have to wonder why you're in this cave and if there's anything else in this pool beside you. And you're not sure if it would be worse if there was something there, or if it was just nothing.

So what did I do on this night? I signed into AIM. You guys remember AOL Instant Messanger? Poor fucking instant messenger, what with Facebook and IPhones and everything short of Jesus keeping people connected these days, AIM just went the dodo. But I thought, what the hell, I've played Bloons Tower Defense 3 for two hours, read random Wikipedia articles about feuds between Carlos Mencia and other comedians, why not sign on to the old AIM and see who I used to be "buddies" with. So I pulled it up, typed in the same password I've had since I was 13 (invoking a random Tolkien character), and after a longer than usual load, voila--nobody there! I knew nobody would be on, and nobody was on because everyone was either outside of the cave or outside of the cave with their avatar on Facebook. (Adil Hussain is would like everyone to shut the fuck up!) But there it was, instant messenger, which had much longer longevity then I thought it would and held out longer than I remembered it had.

So then I thought, why not get on that blog you set up a few months ago, see if anything's up. I'll admit, I'd already given this blog up as a fail, and thought it would be barren, but to my delight, I see a lengthy post by my first best friend in Duluth, Tamar.

Tamar. You and I will be buds for the rest of our lives. Even if we don't see each other again for a long time, you're still dear to me. You put up with my bitching all through middle and high school and I love you for that and for many other reasons, I love you still. I know this by how engaged I was when I read your post. I held my breath and then pumped my fists in the air, nearly falling out of my chair when I read about how you asked out that girl, and I was stunned and hurt to hear about your brother. I am so very sorry about what happened. You're too good a person to have to hear news like that. I remember back in the 8th grade, dipshit preteen politics that I shamefully fell in with had me pushing Nathan out of the RPS. You were so reluctant to go along with it and you fought me until the end talking about how wrong it was. Looking back on it now, I realize I couldn't have had a better friend growing up. Thank you for being my friend, and please know that I'll always have time for you if you ever need anything.

And thanks for keeping this blog going.

The e con o my has hurt me too. I have been laid off twice in as little as three months. But good riddance, I say, I was underemployed at both jobs anyway. Tomorrow I finalize paperwork to begin potentially the most meaningful job with the highest salary I've to earn yet. I will be working with Autistic kids to help them not be so Autistic anymore. Isn't that awesome? I interviewed and a part of the interview process has you playing with the kids. I hung out with this one three-year-old as he was playing with this hoop shooter, and when it was time to go he just stared at me with his big eyes as if he were saying, "Where are you going? I thought we were boys?" And I was worried that the lady who would've hired me wouldn't hire me because I had no experience with kids even though I thought about those kids and really wanted to help with. Thankfully, I got the job. And I vowed that no woman or gay man would outdo me in how much I smother and fawn over these cute little kids and all the learning they need to be gettin.

So that's that. For now...

Let's all post more. Come on gang. Let's gossip and reminisce and talk about regrets goals aspirations flaws. Ups and downs and downs and ups.

Let's live!

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