Monday, May 18, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
2009 and counting...
I'm awake. It's 4:32. The kind of 4:32 you should be sleeping at and I'm awake. In college, I developed this habit of staying up late as I could and I still haven't kicked it. I am a night owl. I'm trying this thing where I try to write a little bit each night before I crash and I manage something every other night. I play stupid flash games. I play a lot of stupid flash games instead of writing. Or studying. Or anything for that matter. I am alone at night. As a tradition and as a practice, I like it. But I also feel secluded. The kind of deep pool in a cave secluded. It's beautiful, but every now and then you have to wonder why you're in this cave and if there's anything else in this pool beside you. And you're not sure if it would be worse if there was something there, or if it was just nothing.
So what did I do on this night? I signed into AIM. You guys remember AOL Instant Messanger? Poor fucking instant messenger, what with Facebook and IPhones and everything short of Jesus keeping people connected these days, AIM just went the dodo. But I thought, what the hell, I've played Bloons Tower Defense 3 for two hours, read random Wikipedia articles about feuds between Carlos Mencia and other comedians, why not sign on to the old AIM and see who I used to be "buddies" with. So I pulled it up, typed in the same password I've had since I was 13 (invoking a random Tolkien character), and after a longer than usual load, voila--nobody there! I knew nobody would be on, and nobody was on because everyone was either outside of the cave or outside of the cave with their avatar on Facebook. (Adil Hussain is would like everyone to shut the fuck up!) But there it was, instant messenger, which had much longer longevity then I thought it would and held out longer than I remembered it had.
So then I thought, why not get on that blog you set up a few months ago, see if anything's up. I'll admit, I'd already given this blog up as a fail, and thought it would be barren, but to my delight, I see a lengthy post by my first best friend in Duluth, Tamar.
Tamar. You and I will be buds for the rest of our lives. Even if we don't see each other again for a long time, you're still dear to me. You put up with my bitching all through middle and high school and I love you for that and for many other reasons, I love you still. I know this by how engaged I was when I read your post. I held my breath and then pumped my fists in the air, nearly falling out of my chair when I read about how you asked out that girl, and I was stunned and hurt to hear about your brother. I am so very sorry about what happened. You're too good a person to have to hear news like that. I remember back in the 8th grade, dipshit preteen politics that I shamefully fell in with had me pushing Nathan out of the RPS. You were so reluctant to go along with it and you fought me until the end talking about how wrong it was. Looking back on it now, I realize I couldn't have had a better friend growing up. Thank you for being my friend, and please know that I'll always have time for you if you ever need anything.
And thanks for keeping this blog going.
The e con o my has hurt me too. I have been laid off twice in as little as three months. But good riddance, I say, I was underemployed at both jobs anyway. Tomorrow I finalize paperwork to begin potentially the most meaningful job with the highest salary I've to earn yet. I will be working with Autistic kids to help them not be so Autistic anymore. Isn't that awesome? I interviewed and a part of the interview process has you playing with the kids. I hung out with this one three-year-old as he was playing with this hoop shooter, and when it was time to go he just stared at me with his big eyes as if he were saying, "Where are you going? I thought we were boys?" And I was worried that the lady who would've hired me wouldn't hire me because I had no experience with kids even though I thought about those kids and really wanted to help with. Thankfully, I got the job. And I vowed that no woman or gay man would outdo me in how much I smother and fawn over these cute little kids and all the learning they need to be gettin.
So that's that. For now...
Let's all post more. Come on gang. Let's gossip and reminisce and talk about regrets goals aspirations flaws. Ups and downs and downs and ups.
Let's live!
--
So what did I do on this night? I signed into AIM. You guys remember AOL Instant Messanger? Poor fucking instant messenger, what with Facebook and IPhones and everything short of Jesus keeping people connected these days, AIM just went the dodo. But I thought, what the hell, I've played Bloons Tower Defense 3 for two hours, read random Wikipedia articles about feuds between Carlos Mencia and other comedians, why not sign on to the old AIM and see who I used to be "buddies" with. So I pulled it up, typed in the same password I've had since I was 13 (invoking a random Tolkien character), and after a longer than usual load, voila--nobody there! I knew nobody would be on, and nobody was on because everyone was either outside of the cave or outside of the cave with their avatar on Facebook. (Adil Hussain is would like everyone to shut the fuck up!) But there it was, instant messenger, which had much longer longevity then I thought it would and held out longer than I remembered it had.
So then I thought, why not get on that blog you set up a few months ago, see if anything's up. I'll admit, I'd already given this blog up as a fail, and thought it would be barren, but to my delight, I see a lengthy post by my first best friend in Duluth, Tamar.
Tamar. You and I will be buds for the rest of our lives. Even if we don't see each other again for a long time, you're still dear to me. You put up with my bitching all through middle and high school and I love you for that and for many other reasons, I love you still. I know this by how engaged I was when I read your post. I held my breath and then pumped my fists in the air, nearly falling out of my chair when I read about how you asked out that girl, and I was stunned and hurt to hear about your brother. I am so very sorry about what happened. You're too good a person to have to hear news like that. I remember back in the 8th grade, dipshit preteen politics that I shamefully fell in with had me pushing Nathan out of the RPS. You were so reluctant to go along with it and you fought me until the end talking about how wrong it was. Looking back on it now, I realize I couldn't have had a better friend growing up. Thank you for being my friend, and please know that I'll always have time for you if you ever need anything.
And thanks for keeping this blog going.
The e con o my has hurt me too. I have been laid off twice in as little as three months. But good riddance, I say, I was underemployed at both jobs anyway. Tomorrow I finalize paperwork to begin potentially the most meaningful job with the highest salary I've to earn yet. I will be working with Autistic kids to help them not be so Autistic anymore. Isn't that awesome? I interviewed and a part of the interview process has you playing with the kids. I hung out with this one three-year-old as he was playing with this hoop shooter, and when it was time to go he just stared at me with his big eyes as if he were saying, "Where are you going? I thought we were boys?" And I was worried that the lady who would've hired me wouldn't hire me because I had no experience with kids even though I thought about those kids and really wanted to help with. Thankfully, I got the job. And I vowed that no woman or gay man would outdo me in how much I smother and fawn over these cute little kids and all the learning they need to be gettin.
So that's that. For now...
Let's all post more. Come on gang. Let's gossip and reminisce and talk about regrets goals aspirations flaws. Ups and downs and downs and ups.
Let's live!
--
Sunday, February 8, 2009
2009 so far... The ups and downs.
So, 2008 has gone and 2009 is a little over a month old so far. Yet, even in a month I've already had my good moments, my not so good moments, and experienced devastation.
The good:
Before I even came out to California, I was in contact with a friend who lived there. She had been reading my webcomic and came to meet me online from one of my friends who also worked on the comic. We kept in touch though high school and off and on throughout my SCAD days and finally met back in July after I landed my job in Cali. We met again in November and hung out a bit (primarily because she wanted some of my roommates chocolate chip cookies... which are fucking delicious). Through these brief meetings, I developed a crush on her but hesitated to take any action. We had a night out on New Year's Eve, which her mother kept asking her if I had the "right intentions" and she kept ranting on and on about it until I finally told her that I wanted to date her. Which shocked her a bit. I expect rejection, but she also admitted to wanting to date me as well. So needless to say, I have a girlfriend now.
The bad:
I went up a week before my birthday to visit my girlfriend at her college. I spent the weekend there and had fun meeting her friends and attending her club gatherings. Then, on Sunday, my bank calls me. They inform me that someone in Florida was trying to use my card number to buy something at a Wal Mart. Seeing as I was also buying food in California, it raised suspicions and they called me to verify everything. So I canceled my card for the time being and waited for a new one.
Then, I returned home to find that there had been some roof construction over the weekend at my apartment. Said construction opened up a crack in the ceiling above my bed. Then, a pipe above said crack leaked all weekend... right onto my bed. It soaked through the mattress, through the box spring, all the way down to the floor. My bed was ruined and I had to get rid of it.
Finally, I won't hesitate to say that the company I work for hasn't seen their fair share of turmoil in these turbulent times. Right before Thanksgiving, they laid off 8 people (including my roommate). Other firings and layoffs occured, but were more tame in numbers. Last Wednesday, they let go of the entire 3D art team. To be fair, it was the best move they could do since our focus and projects changed. And the 3D team knew it was coming (and even bet money on when they'd be let go, apparently). But it still sucks major balls that it had to happen to such cool cats. If you didn't know, the game industry was already swarming with people with no experience trying to get in before the economy sucked. Now, it's swarming with people with years of experience as well since major companies have axed entire development studios.
Devastation:
Two days after my birthday, I get out of a meeting at work and return to my desk. I just missed a phone call from my father and called him back. Usually, my dad has a bit of news like "we're going out of the country" or "just checking to see how you were doing, sorry I missed your birthday." Those would have been very welcomed bits of news. Not this time. Instead, he had called me to tell me that my little brother had passed away. Now, when you have spent as much time attending as many funerals as I have, the last thing you expect is for someone younger than you to suddenly die. To make it worse, I was under the impression that the viewing was on Friday and bought plane tickets to leave on Thursday. But it turns out that the viewing and cremation were on Thursday and that the memorial service was on Friday. So I didn't even get to see my brother's body before he was cremated. Despite the devastation and anger from certain family members over how things were scheduled, there was some rejoice in seeing old friends and family I had not seen for years and it helped me to survive the ordeal.
So, there you have it. 2009 so far has been a severely mixed bag for me. Despite all that has happened so far, though, the only thing I can do is keep my head up high and look towards what the future brings... or throws at me.
The good:
Before I even came out to California, I was in contact with a friend who lived there. She had been reading my webcomic and came to meet me online from one of my friends who also worked on the comic. We kept in touch though high school and off and on throughout my SCAD days and finally met back in July after I landed my job in Cali. We met again in November and hung out a bit (primarily because she wanted some of my roommates chocolate chip cookies... which are fucking delicious). Through these brief meetings, I developed a crush on her but hesitated to take any action. We had a night out on New Year's Eve, which her mother kept asking her if I had the "right intentions" and she kept ranting on and on about it until I finally told her that I wanted to date her. Which shocked her a bit. I expect rejection, but she also admitted to wanting to date me as well. So needless to say, I have a girlfriend now.
The bad:
I went up a week before my birthday to visit my girlfriend at her college. I spent the weekend there and had fun meeting her friends and attending her club gatherings. Then, on Sunday, my bank calls me. They inform me that someone in Florida was trying to use my card number to buy something at a Wal Mart. Seeing as I was also buying food in California, it raised suspicions and they called me to verify everything. So I canceled my card for the time being and waited for a new one.
Then, I returned home to find that there had been some roof construction over the weekend at my apartment. Said construction opened up a crack in the ceiling above my bed. Then, a pipe above said crack leaked all weekend... right onto my bed. It soaked through the mattress, through the box spring, all the way down to the floor. My bed was ruined and I had to get rid of it.
Finally, I won't hesitate to say that the company I work for hasn't seen their fair share of turmoil in these turbulent times. Right before Thanksgiving, they laid off 8 people (including my roommate). Other firings and layoffs occured, but were more tame in numbers. Last Wednesday, they let go of the entire 3D art team. To be fair, it was the best move they could do since our focus and projects changed. And the 3D team knew it was coming (and even bet money on when they'd be let go, apparently). But it still sucks major balls that it had to happen to such cool cats. If you didn't know, the game industry was already swarming with people with no experience trying to get in before the economy sucked. Now, it's swarming with people with years of experience as well since major companies have axed entire development studios.
Devastation:
Two days after my birthday, I get out of a meeting at work and return to my desk. I just missed a phone call from my father and called him back. Usually, my dad has a bit of news like "we're going out of the country" or "just checking to see how you were doing, sorry I missed your birthday." Those would have been very welcomed bits of news. Not this time. Instead, he had called me to tell me that my little brother had passed away. Now, when you have spent as much time attending as many funerals as I have, the last thing you expect is for someone younger than you to suddenly die. To make it worse, I was under the impression that the viewing was on Friday and bought plane tickets to leave on Thursday. But it turns out that the viewing and cremation were on Thursday and that the memorial service was on Friday. So I didn't even get to see my brother's body before he was cremated. Despite the devastation and anger from certain family members over how things were scheduled, there was some rejoice in seeing old friends and family I had not seen for years and it helped me to survive the ordeal.
So, there you have it. 2009 so far has been a severely mixed bag for me. Despite all that has happened so far, though, the only thing I can do is keep my head up high and look towards what the future brings... or throws at me.
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